Feeling meh...

我以为我已经可以放下他了。只从那一天看到他载着一个女生出去吃饭，感觉好难受，心好酸。我承认，我真的吃醋。那天的心情好糟糕。突然开始问自己为何他载的不是我。用了最现代化的帮发去疏解不愉快的心情。去唱K。。。那天，我和富太一起标了好多首歌。慢慢的就把这种感觉忘了。也许，唱歌是个很好的办法去疏解情绪。

一两个礼拜过了，没想到昨天会遇到他在路旁走着。我的心开始“泡泡”的跳，超高兴的。拥抱着一些小希望还有机会看到他。但如今天，我放工的时候，遇到他驾车载着Joyce. 好多疑问不停在我的脑海里出现。他们是男女朋友吗？几时开时？个个种种的问题。会是好朋友吗？

我真的好心痛。可以这么办呢？天啊，有没有医心痛的药吗？

Jealousy Week

My weekdays started with turbulences. I was not confirmed to be permanent staff,moving office with loads of documents, n etc. Well, pretty messy and annoying.

Thank God this week most of the issues is well managed. I wish to gratefully thank one of my colleague who wilfully did some "analysis" to resolve one of my problems. Yeah, she managed to convince me when she did spare some of her precious time in deep thoughts of the issues and looking for solutions instead. I shall remember that. What oldies says: “不见了橙，得到个吉。

老天真的对我不坏。

Last Friday, I saw D was out for lunch alone with another girl. A small size lady to accompany him for luncheon. Well, it feels so bad to see the person you actually interested hanging out alone with another girls (one of the sign of jealously). I had tried to peek the lady who was sitting beside him but no guts. Scare feel even more terrible after saw what I didn't wish too. After some thoughts and emo days, it can be concluded this way: i) he is a good guy who deserve better girl and perhaps that girl suits her more ii) Yup, i'm really jealous and still no further chemistry in between us iii) life still goes on no matter how happy or unhappy you are...

Well, it hurts but I know I can overcome it very soon. May God bless he get a good partner soonest possible. The same wish from me.

Clumsy day..

Hurmm...Last week was pretty memorable one. Lil guy, named D dated me out for movie. Too bad, my mum had appointment in the morning. Thought that my plan was perfectly planned, the day was almost ruined. Bring mum to hospital in the morning, BahKutTeh lunch and back for my movies plan. Sounds perfect.

Uh-oh....Thanks to my lil sister and dad who added some agenda in the plan without my knowledge (and of course I didn't tell them my night plan as well). My lil sister tested my patience on that day and unbelievable, we nearly fought. Haha...Because of D. At the end, I'm late for the movie.

My mind was fighting and all is about D. Cause I know this thing seldom happens and maybe only happens this, today, the only day.

Reaching the place, my clumsiness override everything. Talking to those who I thought I suppose to join them for the movie. It ends pretty awkward when am explaining my situation to those not suppose to involve. Haha...好白目。。。I need to salute myself when my clumsiness worsen the situation. Accidentally step on one of my friend's foot, drop my sling bag on the another's friend's thigh.....BLUSHHHH...What more I could say...

Sharin of 3 Lil Gentleman

Hmm...Today I want to share some thought on guys I have met. Recently only I realise that I have very low self-confidence on love issues. That's why until today, do not dare to made any moves. Or should I say that I prefer to wait guys to make their first move? Or guys nowadays prefer more aggressive gals? Perhaps...

I have been wondering for a long time for how a guy "signalling" a gal to show that he is really interested. Here, I have three samples which shows symptoms or not at all (or maybe perasan)...

Let's name first guy, T. Knew him for one year. My first impression towards him was not so good. A sarcastic speaking guy who get on my nerve sarcastically. Gradually, the impression gone when it was substitute with kindness. T is actually a very kind and gentleman. The only guy whom I seriously considering his invitation. Yes, we went out for a day trip and it ends awkward. But, it shows he is more gentleman. Keeping entertaining in case I got bored. Any girls which good boyfriend who is fulfilling to endless destination, he is the one. When working, could sense, feel or see at the corner of the eyes that someone is actually observing you. Am not sure whether is for good or other way round. During my birthday celebration, he sang Birthday song in Korean. Word to describe: Kind, Creative, Gentlemen.

Second guy, will named him S. This shy guy is actually quite an introvert. He will not share more or close to you unless somebody make the first move. Well, I don't really know how this chemistry happened. The rumors get us closer eventually. Due to the rumors, he dated me out for lunch even often and even chatted more during office hours. A very cute guy who started to learn to joke. Teach me to be patient and emotional control. A very nice guy who never kills any living being. Somehow, whenever I need help, he will be the first one to volunteer himself. Eg, need somebody to fetch me to service centre to pick up my car. He did that although need to OT. Word to describe: Kind, Lovely, Soft-hearted.

Third guy, is the guy that fulfil most requirements, named him D. If looking for perfect boyfriend, he will certainly be in list. Yes, cannot resist his sweet and adorable smile. Shy and sweet guy with booming career. I knew his existence but never remembers his name. Too bad, huh. I never expected that the guy drove me to concert will be him. A huge surprise. Eventually, the concert brings us closer. Through the concert only I knew he is the guy with guitar. Love it! A memorable one.

Well, just a little sharing that this three people made some prints. Of course I know it doesn't mean anything cause am hasty type that will lead to no good ends..

Blue blue Sky..

Oh, Valentine is coming. A very special day yet nobody beside me. Supposedly today is a special day, yet it turns out to be not what I thought of.

I have been wondering that is there something wrong with my sixth sense? I knew this guy for some time. One word to fully describe him "kind" ness. That's the main attractiveness that I did not see in other guys. I guess, he didn't know that this is his main strengths.

For the first time when I saw him, his sarcastic-ness really pissed me off. Swear that during that time I need to keep this guy away. Certainly not my cup of tea. Well, human is weird, and I need to keep back my words. I saw his heart which was beautifully made and I do not know how to describe it.

Yes, he attracted me and my sixth sense is telling me that this guy left some space for me. But, am I thinking too much?

Is it that hard to find a guy who can touched the bottom of my with with joy, laughter and tears? The person who can see what type of "card" I am playing, who is ever brave enough?

不快乐的之中的快乐

我一直都相信 “苦中带甜” 的道理。今天总算给我遇到了。可是我的是 “不快乐中带点甜”。原来，好人是那么难当的。那天，发出内心要帮满好友却得到 “FFK" 的下场， 要求他人帮忙也没了。破坏我的计划。。。。

心情糟糕的我带着不愉快的心情去上班。同时，我的“阿头” 带了一瓶大城市最出名的糖果。看到了它，什么气都消了。多姿多彩又多口味的糖果真的让人舍不得把它吃了。

原来简单的糖果跟他人一起分享也是一种小小的快乐。可惜，我有一位臭嘴的同事不懂得珍惜。原谅他吧！

今天我体会到生活有可能有很多不完美的地方，千万别气馁。应为过程当中会有一线光照着我们，带出许多欢喜更快乐。。加油吧！！

Arghh

My life as a student finally ended. It is the time for me to move into new stage of my life. Although this New Year I didn't have time to enjoy much because of assignment's datelines, I felt quite contented because I have fully completed the course. Hopefully I can pull through my final semester.

I feel so pathetic and started to doubt the definition of "f.r.i.e.n.d.s" in my dictionary when my sister's incident took place. She has less friends but those few close friends are so close until they shared the joy and laughter during that precious week holiday. Those are things I could see when they took turns to each others houses sharing all kinds of activities, 38 news, cards, movies and etc.

Then I compared with what I got this year. I dated my friends to go out and the outcomes of course I do not wish to explain. I always knew family is important but numerous occasion took place. Is it something wrong with my interest, topic and bla bla bla which made them feel rejected or boring or I really didn't even worth a penny to share about. OMG....Yes, I'm here to ask 1001 question and to relieve dissatisfaction. Coz I know she wont read about this. Really got fed up and boring when I heard friends asking me to go out 'padahal' I'm not in locally but when I was home, "kentut" pun tak rak....

It seems like my close friends are not even close to me at all. With their numerous excuses and "lap" me aside really made me annoyed. Pretty annoyed caused this incident did not happen for first time and willno be last time as well.

Book of Attraction

One day, when I am on my way back from college, I heard a DJ in radio talking about "Law of Attraction". I really wonder what is that until a girl tell her experience that it is a attitude of controlling one's mind and thinking. Amazed, i do nothing but the title itself was well remembered.

My curiosity tell me that I should get a chance to do some research on it. I want the book!! One day I found the book by accident. Law of attraction really works on me.Is this called Law of Attraction that attracts what I wanted. Usually, I fail to find any books that I really want all the time. The book appear itself in front of me just in few days. Does that mean that if we have the will to want something, it will appear?

Tortoise

When we grew order, like it or not, problems will increase as well. That time, we need to learn "give and take" as part of our life. I always thought that life is either black or white. In reality, most of our life are coloured in grey. No matter you like it or not, the learning process of receiving newborns as well as whom you beloved was leaving you. Can't believe it my beloved pet; tortoise who doesn't speak, act or even play can tuned my emo level drastically.

I had always love to have tortoise as one type of my pet. Of course, I'm not 100% pet lover. Somehow, tortoise placed second after dogs. As wished, my parents granted my wish on 2011 when they allow me to keep two tortoises. I named it Jackpot and McFee. Both tortoise are really naughty brat who keep bullying each other. Like Ninja turtle, they got stunts like spider and etc. Most of the time, they managed to keep customers in my parents shop entertained and they love to see a lot people.. Weird kudos.

Yesterday evening, as usual, I fed them with their food. But I can't see Jackpot moving. That hyperactive brat is motionless even though I keep on tickling  his body. His feet and neck are well stretched. I thought he was dead. After discussing with mum, I decided to bury him. This brat is playing prank and swim nicely in his pool.

This morning, I send all my tortoises Jackpot, Mcfee and Unnamed tortoise for release in temple. I thought I was pretty okay but somehow when the moment I release it into the pond, the feeling of sobbing, heartache came. I MISS all of them. All of them are cute enough and painted a tiny bit in my heart. I felt so sorry to let them go...Just in a minute time, I saw a tortoise laying eggs in that pond. I saw new living beings (tortoise) about to come here. Touched...

A journey to remember for my lovely dogs

I'm so blessed that I have pets at home. On 6 August 2008, these two lovely puppies born in my uncle's house. My sister named it Xiao Bai (White) and Xiao Hei (Black) which is not exactly their own colour. My Xiao Bai is milky white with light brown patches on his body meanwhile my Xiao Hei is totally brown in colour. No doubt this two sibling dogs are unique in its own way. I still remember when both puppies are three months old, Xiao Bai fell sick until nearly lost his life due to continuous vomiting and diarrhea around one week. Thinking that he was not going to life longer, I took him home so that he can he can pass away peacefully beside Xiao Hei. To my surprise, both pups touched my heart deeply when both of them see each other, the strong feeling of brotherhood. They were happily hanging around and eventually Xiao Bai sickness cured amazingly. 

Everything went fine these few years. Both puppies grew up to be big dogs and brings laughter and joy to my family. They are as naughty as other dogs; urinating around, mess up with newspapers by biting it into smaller pieces all over the house, pull longer clothes and bed sheet for himself to sleep on, hiding one side of shoes or slippers in hard to find places and etc...Sounds pretty annoyed but sweet enough. 

Xiao Bai favourite spot to rest during mid-day

Early this year after Chinese New Year Eve, Xiao Bai fell sick again after tremendous fire crakers show for days. When my sister left to KL to help my parents, my brother called one day to inform us that Xiao Bai nearly pass away. In less than one week, a meaty and fleshy dog changed to skinny dog because he was unable to eat and drink. My sister cried when she knew that and rush back urgently from KL back home just to wish to see him for the last time. Guess what?? She got really emotional as both dogs are part of her organs. She even dare to swore to switch her lives with her dogs. Maybe her sincerity touched God and once again, Xiao Bai cured amazingly.

 New family members: Lobok Zai

Two months ago, my brother brought back a greyish (rats colour) dog back home and named him Lobok Zai (a.k.a Carrot Baby). This name suits this lovely pup so much as he was hyper active, restless all the time and eat non-stop. I'm getting eager to see him when I got to know this new family member coming. At last, I got the opportunity to see him during some occasions which I cannot remember. True enough, he looks like rats but dog version rats and 'ang moh' eyes. OMG...adorable enough....The moment I reach the front gate of my house, he did not bark me eventhough this is first time he saw me. I still remember very well his "souvenir"...spraying his urine upwards on my hand. Lolz....

Lobok Zai cuddling around

Sadly to say, good times pass so fast. Two weeks ago, both Xiao Bai and Lobok Zai passed away. On October 6, 2012, a white colour Hilux ran over Lobok Zai and he pass away on the spot. This cute little pup just came to this world in less than half year and now he left us. He left our heart imprinted with his joy. Xiao Hei seemed to reluctant to accept the fact that Lobak Zai die, keep on barking at his carcass until Lobak Zai is buried. 

My mum gave me a call that Xiao Bai was so sick. Both my mum and brother unable to feed medicine to him as we knew Xiao Bai was quite aggressive when taking tablets. This time, Xiao Bai didn't managed to pull through and pass away two days later after Lobak Zai. 

Xiao Bai is really a good dog. Knowingly that he will pass away sooner, he ran out of the house to make sure that he did not die at home. We only manage to find his carcass two days later. If my sister knew this, she will rather skip the whole coming exam to see Xiao Bai. So, we decided to hide the death of Xiao Bai and Lobok Zai from her although we knew we should not hide it in first place. 

I wondered why the lives of both dogs were so short until both of us unable to see them for last time. They are my family, my best friend, mates forever as they are the one who will keep you accompanied all the time. May Xiao Bai and Lobak Zai rest in peace. May God bless them.

My PR Class

Recall on incident:

My first entrepreneur dateline was last week. Last Saturday, I supposed to go to double slot classes from 10-5pm. To my horror, I myself cannot believe that actually I have stay awake for whole night completing the assignment. Fuhhhh...Sounds mad to me cause I never stay overnight. On Saturday morning itself, I can sense that my body battery is depleting. Added with laziness and raining day, I decided to take a session before joining second half of PR class. Things went so wrong and the delay from an hour to another hour pass by like nothing. It all ends well for assignments and I have to use my PR class to pay for it. Nonetheless, I feel guilty enough for skipping so many classes with all sorts of excuses. Sigh.....

Yesterday:

I have to reach college early today because my sister is the one who have double slots. Having two entrepreneurs idea with me (with the hope my lecturer will approve/agree with my idea), I have spent whole morning searching for information. The sweetest part is, my IDEA was accepted and I can proceed to prepare my business plan. So happy.. On the same day, my classmate informed me that PR class for the coming week is cancel...URGHH..I asked, "Again"? For nothing, I have to miss another lecture.

Today:
Look, things is always very funny. The moment I disliked the class is cancelled, my lecturer called me. Undoubtly, funny questions started arising and spinning in my head (I'm not promoting education institution here). The lecturers here are all friendly enough. They contacted each and every students directly (not via college/University). I'm deeply touched as they realise who is their student and make some effort to pay attention to those who missed the classes. Touched!!

Moral lesson: Although the class is quite big and students are as small as ants, a good lecturer will still be able to notice and identify his/her students.

Friend of mine

Finally, I have some time left for me to write blogs. I started to love to write blogs as it give you time to reflect your thoughts on all the things that have happen or have passed through over some time.  I used to have a girl friend that used to quite close to me. As time passed by, we have less time to communicate, to talk to each other, and all sorts of things. 

At the beginning, she used to contact me for high tea or something but things changes as we are nor from the same category. What is the " category" I mean? She moved to working class meanwhile I still stay as a student. Things gradually changed and my focus on her becoming lesser and lesser because of she got her partner, good networking and all sorts of social life which I think is enough for her. What I angered most is she started to give empty promises, "FFK" but she never admits. That's fine for me as well. As long as we do not contact that often, that supposedly to be fine. 

I admitted that our perceptions to things have changed. Since she was exposed to real working life, she knows the value of money, reputation, hard work, back-stabbing and many. Reality is really cruel actually. Because of the people surrounding her affecting her all this while, I started to feel the " grey" side of her thoughts. All her thoughts are either "black" or "grey". Looking the world at the pessimistic side. 

I started to feel guilty as I might be one of those bunch of jackass. Cause, I rejected her invitation numerous time. Why I rejected? Because every time when I saw her, I can feel that she is wearing her "mask". Our topic becoming less day by day. Is it my fault when she turned like this? I can see everything is so black for her but how can I help her??Although she has all material possession from small branded items to big items that what normal people could not afford, she looks even pitier every time I see her as "Money can't buy Happiness".  

She seems to turn to the deaf ear when she heard the word "friend" as unbelievable creature. I would love to tell her that all the things that she is enduring or facing now need not to be face by her alone. People surrounding her are willing to help. But to no avail. Nobody is born living alone. 

对我来说~生命的意义

做人有时候很矛盾。小小的一颗心可以守着很多很多的小秘密。想回以前有多么幼稚，做了很多很愚蠢的事情。离开了之后才知道身边的朋友此时还要好，发出真心地来交朋友。

那又何必呢？想想看，此时每个人的生命都很短章。可没有那么多时间。 我终于知道时间的宝贵，错失了，有可能就没有机会了。朋友们，记得不要让任何机会从自己的手中溜走。珍惜眼前人。

Updating my day ^_^

Haa…it have a long time I didn’t keep my blog updated. Last week, I was accepted by a pharmacy nearby my living area to work as part timers to ease some financial burden. Everything was so fine and I started to work the very next day. The workers there are friendly enough, too much to describe them. After all, it is a very pleasant working environment and zero-stress. This is how I met this part time pharmacist who only works on weekdays, night shift.

People there are all friendly enough to me. I admitted, at first, I felt quite boring, but this proves me wrong when all the workers there shared their stories like a family. I felt the warm. The pharmacist guy seems to use all his energy to entertain me (since that is my first day to work there). However, he will be leaving the company within this month.

Feeling that he annoyed me (cause of repetition in same topic), a call from my long lost friend seems to change everything. This guy thought I’m a socialist who have a very good networking…Wakakaka… I do not know whether he is intentionally or unintentionally follow behind me (I guess to hear my conversation) until I ended the call.

The day ends and I called the supervisor to stop my job cause of some problems in between. This guy, who I think is a very good counselor calls me back the very next day to confirm with what’s wrong with me for quitting the job in a sudden. So sweet of him for dropping a call out of sudden.

Am I too perasan or he is too warm? Don’t dare to think of it.

P.S: I think I’m more prone to "too perasan" group ^^

What a child thinks of her mum

Two weeks went by after my mum discharged from hospital. I gotta to blame myself for unable to take care of her when she really need somebody to look after her. True enough, every time she says that "I'm fine and I can take care of myself". I feel really bad as she does not want to burden me enough.

If I'm the one  who was given chance to mark her performance, I can guarantees that she is a wonderful mum. Recalling to only incidence happened last two weeks, she was hospitalised to undergo an operation. She never complained anything (fear, scare, husband and child not beside, insecure). Nothing at all. In fact, when the moment I said wanted to stay inside hospital to accompany her; she asked me to go back (so that I don't get tired). Ended up, I really feel so bad for unable to console her and she is the one who break up the ice with the joke, "You are more naggy them I'm as an auntie".

At the day of the operation, I can do nothing but just to accompany her. Watching her entering the operation theatre alone, there's nothing I can do but just to wait outside. After the operation, she vomited a lot but she never complained a single word of her suffering that she went through. Who can bear to undergo situation like this, I ever wondered? Hoping that everything is fine, complications entered when the nurse accidentally pulled needle that break her nerves. Doctor suggested that she has to undergo another operation to remove the blood clots. Seeing she suffered like this, I can do nothing. Still the same, no complain from her although her child complains that "the mum does not considerate of son's feeling". Bearing in the pain and wounds, she have to talk and explaining to her child.

Days passed by and she has spent a week in hospital without any good food. As her operation makes her restricted to so many food. I have no idea what I can buy or cook for her. Day by day, she loses weight due to heavy diet restrictions, eating only tasteless hospital food as if it is very delicious. What an eyesore...

The moment when she reaches home after discharged, obviously I thought of she can use this time to  rest till the fullest. The house condition shows that she has no time to rest, but start to workout to clean the house, cook for family (her mission and duty never ends any time). The very next morning, she started to go to the market buying vegetables to prepare food for family. Although we stopped her from doing so, she insisted she wants to cook. She was right, I can't cook. Continuously, she did the chores and cook lunch and dinner for family. I feel like I want to salute her for everything she did; family comes first before everything...

On the day I left to go back to city, I wake up early in the morning in preparation to start the journey early. My mum bought my sister and me breakfast (although we knew that she just undergo operation). If I'm in her shoes, for sure I am not going out to buy breakfast. I promised her to bring her appointment card to me so that I can queue up for her on the next appointment. I have forgotten but my lively mum just answered "Nevermind, it's okay".  I think I will feel better if she scolds me for my carelessness.

Yesterday, she went to the hospital for post-operation visit. She wore the green and black stripes blouse that we bought for her. Indeed, she look nice and I can see that she loses a lot of weight despite I did not see her for days. Even my grandma realise that!

What I can do for her? Her greatness and love is too great. Seriously, we take her for granted in everything. For everything she has endure so far, I deeply feel that I'm unfilial child. Grandma shared a small secret telling me that got one aunty telling my grandma that my mum will be the luckiest child in future from her palm. But it shows that everything is upside down and she led the hardest life among her siblings.

WONDERFUL DAY

After that incidence, as planned, my sis and I prepare ourselves to have a day out in shopping complex since she promised her friends to get her some stationery. Knowing that we are quite late, for sure there will be no more parking spaces left in any shopping. Thinking of wanted to eat roti canai for my brunch, I purposely choose a location that is near to his workplace. Cause I feel that that is the best way for me “bump” into him. What happen is he has yet turn up for work. Looked quite sad (cause unable to see him), this guy (I dunno come out from where) suddenly appears in front of me when I drove past the same route. Is this called fate or purposely arranged meeting him up? I doubt that. 

After brunch, accidentally watch a mini concert (the concert stage and mega sales at the same place) by a new artist named ICE. This is the first time I saw a mini concert with so few audiences. Lolz..She gave me a very deep impression that new artist. Frankly, her voice is nice when she sings Cantonese songs and this is the first time I saw an artist who is humble enough to shake hand with her supporter and thanked them non-stop even though only few audiences is there. It look as that the artist is very optimistic. What can you expect when the “qian chang hui” finish within half an hour? Really feel sympathize. Hopefully she will became famous one day and brings audiences more nice songs. And guess what, I bought her CD and got her signature too (this is not what I will do although that artist is very popular). Hope by supporting her CD will give her more courage to continue her career in this industry.. ^_^

Parking

I wondered such a beautiful Sunday morning, who is the one who rang the door bell when that is the best day where you can sleep without being disturbed. When I looked the clock, it was already 9.15am and the apartment security is standing in front of my door speaking politely that I actually parked my car at other people’s parking place. OMG,… I never knew I did that!! To my horror, the security guard is telling me that the owner of the parking is waiting in front of his parking. Oh gosh, if I’m in his situation, I will get angry for sure too…

Rubbing my eyes, knowing got no time to wash up, immediately wearing my pajamas, trailing the security guard to the place I parked my car yesterday. Feeling guilty enough and do not know what to do since the owner is waiting there, I really hope somebody will save me up!! It is my fault. The reason why I’m so scared cause today is my second time parking his place. OMG!!

The owner of the parking, looked quite muscular, I guess in his early thirties, fold his hand in cool manner and dark face. Thinking that will “kena” the music from him, while rubbing my eyes and apologizing; hoping that miracle will happen, THANK GOD he didn’t scold. He just went into his car cooly and waiting me to reverse my car. Felt terribly sorry and guilty as well. Thank God that he didn’t spoil my Sunday morning by spilling “bad” words on me.

Nothing to be blame about since the car in KL itself already a lot and therefore, the parking space is never limited. Really wonder whether this incidence will happen again in future since hard to get parking space. Actually, I felt lucky enough as I parked that owner’s parking space for twice and yesterday must be unbearable for him.

Two days ago...

The raining day today slightly steal my mood to remember of him. Yesterday, my bestie told me that she was confirmed that I have crush on him. Blushed! Have to admit it. Wonder how he thinks of me? Is this the end of us or the new beginning? I have so many questions in my mind and really hope that miracle will happen. I dunno why my sixth sense keep on telling me that “this guy have something special on me”. I can sense that.

I have two options with me; either continue to miss him or forget him straight away. People’s heart is made of meat. To get rid him of my memory deemed quite hard. How long time do I need to spend?

The Days after moving...

After the last day of working day, he came for once; the only one time. That's the last time I saw him until today. Hardly to admit, yes, miss him quite a lot. I never knew moving house is a terribly tiring job. Until, this is the first time where I have to pack all my goods for moving to two houses. What to do, the room readily available here is like a small "chicken cage" or more like a store room for people to keep their things rather than for me to use as rooms for sleeping.

Two days ago when I moved home, I can see that my car was too or overly packed with things to bring home. So sorry to "tengking" my mum that day as it is really hectic. Thank God my sis corrected me on the spot and I shall remember this attitude all the time as a lesson not to be rude to her again.

Only then I realised that it had been a long time I didn't feel family warmth again. Family means that everyone have to present and live together and no one shall be missed. When I'm at home, visiting my uncle (the only uncle that pampered me the most), grandma and other relatives, the sense of warmth can be felt when everyone joke jovially while eating mangos teen. That time, no matter how tired you are, truthfully you will stay awake to join the crowd of warmth.

Staying in city for years, I realise the my "kindness" and "generosity" gradually escape from me. When I see my grandma, I felt very guilty for unable to look after her as well as my mum. How many years more can they live? I asked myself. I'm not filial at all. What can I do?

Last Day..

A strange feeling today when I got to know that tomorrow is the last day for my dad's shop operating. Last time, I doubt my sixth sense not to be accurate but sincerely, I found out that it is becoming more useful and more accurate, maybe because of influences.

Fate is sometime a very funny thing to describe. This cute guy, I shall give him a name 'B' is actually a cute guy that I met two years ago. Nothing attracts me, but I admit he is adorable. Whenever I tried to forget him and focuses on new target, he will suddenly pop up in my life. It seems like irresistible. I am so not sure whether my sixth sense this time will work perfectly but i got the sense that he likes me but dare not to voice out.

Tomorrow will be my last day to stay here and I don't know whether this is going to be the end for both of use or a humble new beginning. My mood tuned so low and it is actually quite sad to get to know cant see him anymore after this...

Fate likes to fool people. Whenever I tried to forget him, this guy will appear in front of me. Whenever I was in my worst mood of everything, he will appear and initially took my 'frust' away at the place I never thought of he will appear.

Now, I wonder...started to feel insecure since perhaps I can't see him anymore. Does he has the same feeling on me or I'm the only one who 'tepuk tangan sebelah'...Really wish I could get an answer or even give me a try; as long as he voiced out...