What a child thinks of her mum

Two weeks went by after my mum discharged from hospital. I gotta to blame myself for unable to take care of her when she really need somebody to look after her. True enough, every time she says that "I'm fine and I can take care of myself". I feel really bad as she does not want to burden me enough.

If I'm the one  who was given chance to mark her performance, I can guarantees that she is a wonderful mum. Recalling to only incidence happened last two weeks, she was hospitalised to undergo an operation. She never complained anything (fear, scare, husband and child not beside, insecure). Nothing at all. In fact, when the moment I said wanted to stay inside hospital to accompany her; she asked me to go back (so that I don't get tired). Ended up, I really feel so bad for unable to console her and she is the one who break up the ice with the joke, "You are more naggy them I'm as an auntie".

At the day of the operation, I can do nothing but just to accompany her. Watching her entering the operation theatre alone, there's nothing I can do but just to wait outside. After the operation, she vomited a lot but she never complained a single word of her suffering that she went through. Who can bear to undergo situation like this, I ever wondered? Hoping that everything is fine, complications entered when the nurse accidentally pulled needle that break her nerves. Doctor suggested that she has to undergo another operation to remove the blood clots. Seeing she suffered like this, I can do nothing. Still the same, no complain from her although her child complains that "the mum does not considerate of son's feeling". Bearing in the pain and wounds, she have to talk and explaining to her child.

Days passed by and she has spent a week in hospital without any good food. As her operation makes her restricted to so many food. I have no idea what I can buy or cook for her. Day by day, she loses weight due to heavy diet restrictions, eating only tasteless hospital food as if it is very delicious. What an eyesore...

The moment when she reaches home after discharged, obviously I thought of she can use this time to  rest till the fullest. The house condition shows that she has no time to rest, but start to workout to clean the house, cook for family (her mission and duty never ends any time). The very next morning, she started to go to the market buying vegetables to prepare food for family. Although we stopped her from doing so, she insisted she wants to cook. She was right, I can't cook. Continuously, she did the chores and cook lunch and dinner for family. I feel like I want to salute her for everything she did; family comes first before everything...

On the day I left to go back to city, I wake up early in the morning in preparation to start the journey early. My mum bought my sister and me breakfast (although we knew that she just undergo operation). If I'm in her shoes, for sure I am not going out to buy breakfast. I promised her to bring her appointment card to me so that I can queue up for her on the next appointment. I have forgotten but my lively mum just answered "Nevermind, it's okay".  I think I will feel better if she scolds me for my carelessness.

Yesterday, she went to the hospital for post-operation visit. She wore the green and black stripes blouse that we bought for her. Indeed, she look nice and I can see that she loses a lot of weight despite I did not see her for days. Even my grandma realise that!

What I can do for her? Her greatness and love is too great. Seriously, we take her for granted in everything. For everything she has endure so far, I deeply feel that I'm unfilial child. Grandma shared a small secret telling me that got one aunty telling my grandma that my mum will be the luckiest child in future from her palm. But it shows that everything is upside down and she led the hardest life among her siblings.